Notes from Maine - 2020/08/17

I hope your summer is going well. We had a long stretch of incredibly hot weather. We’re finally back to temperatures that are bearable. Any normal year and I would be checking the paper to find the next county fair to attend. We have some great ones around here.

Usually, the first week of August, there’s a great fair down the road from me. It was portrayed in Stephen King’s The Dead Zone. Steve grew up near here and I’m almost certain he said that Topsham Fair was the one where Johnny played Wheel of Fortune in the beginning of that book. There are details about the fair that don’t line up though. In Dead Zone, the fair is close to Halloween. I’m not aware of a Halloween fair around here. The Fryeburg Fair is pretty much the last one in Maine and it takes place near the beginning of October.

I never miss the fair. I love touring the cattle barns and then watching little kids try to catch piglets in the arena. I’m sure it’s terrifying for the poor little pigs, but that’s balanced by the fact that it’s clearly also terrifying for most of the kids. I’m not sure who talks the kids into going down into the dirt center of the arena, but it’s always obvious that nobody involved wants to be there.

At a fair, I always seek out Kevin’s French Fries. They make the best fries in my opinion. With a big cardboard “dog bowl” of fries in hand, you can wander through the craft barn and see the first prize quilt or the blueberry pie that the judges chose to be the best.

However, if you have a kid along with you, it’s best to go easy on the fries. I always get talked into riding the Pharaoh’s Sled, the Gravitron, or the Thunder Bolt. I draw the line at the Zipper. That’s a ride where you’re locked into a metal cage that’s hinged on the end of a catastrophe. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression are the first four stages of grief. The Zipper ratchets me through those phases continuously. It skips over Acceptance. I’ve never been able to reach Acceptance of the Zipper.

To cap off the evening’s excitement, the fair typically offers a Demolition Derby or perhaps a Strong Man/Woman competition. The latter will take entries from the crowd if you want a chance to prove your physical prowess.

This year we’ll only be able to dream of the fair.