Notes from Maine - 2021/01/09
I haven’t been able to watch football this season. It’s not a huge deal. The power board in my TV is on its way out and if I run the tuner or cable box input it heats up and shuts the picture off. I can still stream Netflix and the rest so I haven’t bothered to fix the board. I’ve decided that sometimes it’s fun to take these changes in stride. It’s an interesting way to break out of a routine.
I did the same with food recently. I ran out of everything I typically eat. I enjoy slipping into a rut where I have roughly identical meals every day. Recently, instead of getting more of the same, I just decided to wait it out and see how long I could cruise with what I had on hand. You know that can of peeled tomatoes that expired last summer? I ate it. You remember that bag of horse carrots in the crisper. I ate those. I found a box of macaroni and cheese that Mom bought for my nephew years ago. That was a good day.
This week, I’ve worn shirts from the bottom of the drawer. I watched a TV show that I’ve passed over a dozen times. For everyday hygiene items (floss, deodorant, soap, shampoo) I keep a surplus. Maybe it would be fun to run out of those as well.
In the feed store a few days ago, I realized how far my standards have fallen. Unshaven (who cares, I had a mask on), old boots, dirty jeans, filthy hands, tattered flannel, and a wool hat. I saw myself in the reflection of glass cooler where they sell eggs (for people) and meal worms (I’m hoping they’re for lizards?). The way I looked, if I passed myself on the street, I would wonder if that guy has a warm place to sleep tonight.
I’m not trying to impress anyone in the feed store, but I think that a couple of years ago I would have made sure I was presentable before I left the house. It’s another boundary to push—how much can I get away with? In the Matrix, people had a “residual self image” or something like that. No matter how they looked in the real world, in the Matrix they still presented as the version of themselves that they remembered. On the Nebuchadnezzar (underground hovercraft, if that makes sense), Keanu was dressed in rags and had a shaved head. As soon as he entered the Matrix, he was back to nice clothes and surfer hair.
That’s me. You might see me in rags with a poorly shaved head (I didn’t use a mirror this time), but you should know that in my ”residual self image” I look like Keanu. And I don’t look like puffy Bill & Ted 3 Keanu. I’m fully Point Break inside my head.
Meanwhile, my TV doesn’t work, I’m eating rice that I found in the cupboard, and if you put your nose close to this text you just might be able to pick up the scent of horse from my clothes.
All that said, everything is going great! Sometimes, after you accidentally bite your tongue, you might say to yourself, “When this has healed I will never again take for granted an unbitten tongue.”
That’s also me—I woke up this morning and realized that everything is pretty good right now. I feel good and my tongue hasn’t been bitten in months. Finn (older dog) is running around with no issues. Albert (puppy) hasn’t learned how to use matches yet, so perhaps the house is safe.
The horses are all fine, although they almost tricked me this morning. Earl and Maybelle showed no interest in each other in the barn, and the foal is old enough that she and mom can be turned out with other horses, according to the internet. I was about to see if all three could be put out together when math floated into my head and saved the day.
I realized that the foal, born on December 2, would have been conceived around the first week of January. Although Maybelle should definitely not be in estrus in the middle of winter, she definitely was a year ago. Regardless of what they tell me, I’m not putting them together again until spring. No more winter babies. It was too cold standing out in that barn, waiting for the placenta to drop.
So, to my list of things to be thankful for, let’s add this: the horses didn’t trick me today.
I may look like I’m homeless, but I have a lot to be thankful for today.
