Notes from Maine - 2022/06/26
I don’t have any wisdom—I won’t pretend that I do. I have a bunch of experiences that I’ve remembered and misremembered. Some things, when I think back on them, I actively skew so I don’t feel bad about myself. With other memories, I skew them so I do feel bad. Those are the ones that I save for three in the morning so when I fall back to sleep I have stress dreams and wake up with clenched teeth. None of this is intentional. It’s just what happens.
One thing I’ve observed over the years is this: roughly anything that happens to me happens to everyone. We all suffer and triumph to various degrees. It’s not a competition. This doesn’t feel like wisdom. It’s just an observation.
It seems like the best thing I can do is recognize that we’re all the same and have compassion and empathy for people walking their path as they see fit. The tenet of reciprocity (The Golden Rule, or “Do unto others…”) is a part of many religions and philosophies. The earliest example (according to wikipedia) dates to roughly four thousand years ago from an Egyptian story. The expression “Live and let live,” is attributed to the Dutch from the seventeenth century. I guess that’s not really equivalent, but it’s the same sentiment in my opinion.
In school, I kept to myself, daydreamed a lot, and did my best to dissociate from the bullies. Later in life, thoroughly convinced that I didn’t have enough power or standing to actually hurt anyone with my words, I found myself to be an acerbic, vindictive person who could be accurately described as a bully. It took a while for me to understand that I wasn’t righteously standing up for that child version of me. As an adult, I was simply mocking others in an effort to feel better about myself.
I try not to do that now, and I try not to retroactively ascribe motives to the people who bullied me decades ago. I didn’t walk their path. I’ll never have a clear picture of what drove them to lash out at others. It’s good to forgive, and it’s good to empathize, but I can’t pretend to know what was in their head.
When I read a good story, I feel both entertained and educated. I’m learning to see the world through the author’s eyes. Through various characters, settings, and conflicts, the author is debating both sides of an argument and interpreting the results from their perspective. In the end, I’m left with a vision that they coached me into seeing.
What’s my point? I don’t have one.
As I began, I don’t have any wisdom. I hope to never try to convince anyone of the opposite. I have opinions—some are very strong—but I’ll do my best to not attempt to impose them on others. They’re only based on my own limited experience and you and I have walked different paths.
