Notes from Maine - 2021/01/24

My friend Finn had surgery on Friday. It was terrifying for me. I hope he wasn’t terrified. It can be difficult to tell with an English Mastiff. They always look a little worried about something. The veterinarian sounded very nice on the phone, and of course I collected recommendations and made sure they were certified, etc. Still, not being able to go inside with Finn or meet any of the people who would be caring for him was difficult. Normally, I would prefer to meet a surgeon in person, but it’s tough now.

He can still hear—this is really good news. I just whistled and he woke up to look around. 

His ears have been getting worse and worse for years, and last year the infections were close to life-threatening at one point. No amount of cleaning or antibiotics would solve the issue, which is why I had to resort to surgery. With his age, and all the possible complications, it was a difficult decision to make. In the end, I couldn’t bear the thought that he might need another round of tough antibiotics to knock down a bad flareup. Last summer, the antibiotics were really hard on him. Now, the surgery is done and I have my fingers crossed, hoping for a speedy recovery. 

I don’t cope particularly well with loss, and it doesn’t feel like I’m getting any better with it. In this house, I’ve had to say goodbye to seven of my closest friends (four dogs, and three horses). Each time, I’m not sure how to move on. 

Creating a character and thrusting them into difficult situations, I try to process my feelings through writing. Sometimes it feels like I’m learning things, and other times I’m just churning and reliving terrible events. I set out to try to increase my understanding of the world and I just find out that the fictional people I create are just as clueless as I am. 

I guess that makes sense. 

In the book I’m sending out today, the main character thought he was through living. Then, he finds himself unable to let go. The book is called Post Grace and it begins with John’s realization that his wounds haven’t even closed yet, despite all the time that has gone by. I hope you like it, and I hope you’ll share it with a friend.