Notes from Maine - 2024/09/15
I love a good prank. Last year, the Post Office pranked me good by sending my package to the wrong address and then leading me to believe that the best recourse was to fill out a form on their website. The form did nothing, as far as I could tell. I eventually got my package by driving around to different Post Offices in my area and asking about the package. Turns out that they had a GPS location of where the package was delivered and they just went and got it for me. But the website led me to believe that the box was gone forever and that insurance would cover the replacement. I remember when the branch supervisor drove it to my door with a smile and an apology. It seemed very nice at the time. In retrospect, having someone drive the package to my house was all I ever expected from the transaction. But after despairing its loss, it seemed like a treat to have it in my hands, even though the supplier had already sent me a replacement. That’s a good prank!
A couple of decades ago, I worked a job with a nice, cozy office. The window behind me looked out at trees, but that was rarely my view. With a dozen software developers to manage, I was always in meetings or staring at a computer screen, typing emails. There was always an audio alert sounding—the phone was ringing or a sound from my computer telling me that an email required answering. Eventually, I became crazy. I started imagining alerts that weren’t there. I would pick up the phone and hear the dial tone. I would pull up my email to see the inbox empty.
The fancy word for that phenomenon is “paracusia”, but I’ve always heard it referred to as an “auditory hallucination.” Quoting from some AI bot that has infected Google: “Paracusia can be a symptom of psychotic disorders like schizophrenia or mania, but it can also be associated with other conditions, such as: Affective disorders, Trauma-related disorders, Substance-related disorders, and Neurological disorders.”
It turned out that one of my good friends had developed and hidden a small device inside a CD box. Its only function was to play random alert sounds every few minutes in order to drive me insane. It worked really well. I just about tore apart that office trying to find the source of my torture. That’s a good prank!
Back to the Post Office—this week I was waiting patiently for a package from a friend with parts I need. The Post Office around here is strange. We have a branch only two miles away, but no deliveries are dispatched from there. Instead, the bigger branch across the river sends out carriers to my house. When I received a “missed package” note, I was surprised. I hadn’t left the house all day, and I had seen the mail carrier stop very briefly at my box. It turns out that they were just dropping off the note to let me know that I wasn’t home.
So, yesterday I went to the big branch because that’s where the note said I could pick up my package. The clerk disappeared for about twenty minutes, leaving me standing at the counter. It turns out that twenty minutes was just enough time for the smaller branch (the one very near my house) to close for the day. The clerk frowned and let me know that the note was wrong—the package was actually at the other branch.
Now I have to wait until Monday.
That’s a really good prank!
I wish I could prank them back, but there are several signs mounted around the Post Office reminding me that “Robbing a Postal Clerk at gunpoint is a FEDERAL OFFENSE.” Good to know.
